If you think about something and meditate on the thought it will happen. For example, me leaving my hometown, I would always joke to family and friends about how I was going to leave as soon as I graduated CC….and look at me now! Actually, I moved out THE DAY I graduated.
I know many people my age who have completed the same things I have, and they want to stay at home. That’s a mindset I don’t understand because my hometown sucks. BUT ANYWAY. I’m here. New opportunities. Going to be a junior at MSU so I don’t have to reply on anyone for my whole life. I have all of my things that I “think” I need in this townhouse apartment, and I couldn’t be happier. Well, except my roommate doesn’t move in until the week before school and my boyfriend, Max, lives almost three hundred miles away.
So, a couple weeks ago, I lost the happy positive Kayla that I usually am. I was convinced I would be inevitably forced to move back….home. I’m all about positivity and looking on the bright side but very rarely I convince myself I am having a mid-mid-life crisis and there is no hope. This summer it happened to me for about a week. I was so sad, I cried every day, and slept for about three days straight. I wanted to tell my goodbyes to my new apartment and pack up the cube to go back home.
So thankful for Max who was trying his hardest to make me feel better, but of course I wasn’t finished with my pity parties so there was no hope of opening my eyes yet. I knew he was sincerely telling me things like “Things will work themselves out” and “I promise it’ll be okay” but I felt bad for him because I knew there was no hope for me and he needed to realize that. Now, that wasn’t Kayla talking. I have no idea who that was, actually. I’m supposed to be the one who is happy-go-lucky!! Not the depressed girl who can’t answer the phone without crying. What was going on? I’ll tell you. Everything was starting to catch up with me, the fact that I’m on my own, and the thing I’ve wanted for so long is finally here – It’s all happening. Max was telling me these things because he knew it would all be okay, really. And of course, he was right. Bless him for believing I would be okay because I sure didn’t.
After a few days, I just sat and thought to myself, “What is going on here? I finally have everything I want and I just want to flush it down the drain?!” I then shook my head (literally smh’d), took a shower (I hadn’t in at least three days), then went to the gym. And guess what? I felt better. That is another thing Max was telling me during my emo time. I laughed to my sweaty self as I was running in place on the treadmill, if I would have just listened to him. I blame my being a Taurus for that, ya know, stubbornness.
How was I expecting anything to get better if I just sulked continuously? If I had continued to hold those thoughts I would have had to move back home. Focusing on negative thoughts make them come to life, I am convinced.
So now I have learned from that little spill of sadness, to no matter what, at least try to look on the bright side and make the best of the situation at which you are faced. And hopefully you are as lucky to have someone like Max who will try to let you know everything will, in fact, work itself out.
(And if you don’t, HMU)